Too many women struggle with confidence. Or the courage to believe they can create something much larger than themselves. Whether it’s the confidence to stand in front of a large group of people and speak or the courage to end a relationship that not serving you, you can boldly do these things when you allow yourself to be proud of what you have done in your life.

Whether it’s the big or little things, cultivating self pride is crucial in building better self esteem and taking risks required to achieve your goals.

As a good girl, self-pride was really difficult for me. I constantly compared myself to others and nothing I did ever measured up. Even when I did something really well, I also felt a sense of guilt when I talked highly of myself.

It felt like speaking well about myself meant I was a snob.

Feeling good about myself never felt right, because I always had a sense somehow I was flawed and never good enough.

In my experience my good girl does everything to perfection, but she never lets herself feel good about it. Pride was completely forbidden. Which led to a lot of negative self talk and many years of loneliness as it’s hard to connect to others when you never feel good. Refusing to be proud of yourself is a form self sabotage.

So when I decided was totally tired of treating myself like crap, I decided it was time to celebrate things about myself. This started with allowing myself to be proud of myself for everything I did, big or little.

I started out by making a list of what I was proud of about myself. It went something like this:

1. I am proud of myself for being a good friend.
2. I am proud of myself for approaching most situations with kindness and grace.
3. I am proud of myself for finishing a bachelors and masters.
4. I am proud of myself for paying off my student loans and other debts very quickly.
5. I am proud of myself for doing what ever I had to even if it included working a second job for me to get what I want to financially.
6. I am proud of letting go of some of my financial security and stepping out to start my own business.
7. I am proud of myself for having the bravery to live in new places and meet new people.
8. I am proud of myself for fighting back when doctors misdiagnosed an injury.
9. I’m proud of myself for allowing myself to recover in a way that felt good to me.
10. I’m proud of myself for creating boundaries in relationships that were not healthy.
11. I am proud of myself for giving myself time to rest when I need it.
12. I’m proud of myself for recognizing I create my own happiness and not expecting others to do it for me.
13. I’m proud of myself for being able to connect with others even when it’s hard to be vulnerable.
14. I’m proud of myself for continuing to do the work necessary to get what I want in my life.

And yes some of these may seem like good girl things, but our good girl is not always bad. She just needs to be reminded to be happy when she achieves things.

The list gets longer over time as I reflect on all the things that I am proud about. Some days I’m proud for making a good meal. Other days I’m proud for sending out that email that will help me in my business even if it’s scary at first to put myself out there.

Try it yourself and you’ll find you have more confidence and less garbage talk blocking you from doing what you really want and feeling how you want to feel.