After signing up to work with me, a female client quietly whispered: “Is it OK if I don’t want to do something really big in my career? What I don’t want to move up to Director or something like that? Is it OK if my only goal is to feel good?”
This is where some coaches fail with their clients.
In the personal development world we see all these quotes and blog posts about how we need to be getting better, bigger, and letting go of anything were afraid of. If we don’t, we’re just living in fear.
The fact is I [...]
I’ve been hiding most of my life.
I hid behind my marriage and perfect looking life. I hid by my ability to make sure I always said the right thing. I hid by not engaging in conflict when it was necessary because I didn’t want to look like the bad girl.
I hid behind books, isolation and other activities that would keep me away from people.
I never asked for help.
And honestly nobody thought I ever needed it.
I was so damn scared of being vulnerable I just pretended that I was OK all the time. My standard answer was I was “FINE”.
When I am talking to a new client and she says I can’t do it because he wouldn’t like it or it would hurt his feelings, I cringe.
These women aren’t unintelligent nor are they week. They are just straight out people pleasers (sometimes not even knowing it) and perfectionists who are so concerned with the feelings of others that they often self sabotage themselves.
I know this because I was one of these women.
I was always worried about hurting his feelings. If I felt something seemed to bother him, I would either try to make it better or not do [...]
As a life coach I am fully aware of what creates outcomes in our relationships, but I still get stuck at times. This very week I did exactly what I told you to do in last week’s newsletter. I opened up about an issue I was having regarding being vulnerable with a group of female friends.
But remember, it’s important to reach out to the right people.
I didn’t just pick any group, I was very specific. I knew these ladies were okay with vulnerability and were super supportive of one another. When I aired my concern about something I wanted [...]
Just because a lot of people say it doesn’t mean it’s true.
I used to spend a lot of time asking people their opinions on things. I needed to know what I was doing was right, what I was saying was correct and if what other people thought about me was true. I was seeking out other peoples opinion because I thought somehow they knew more than me. In the end I really realized I was seeking out their approval.
What a horrible waste of time! Not to mention a great way to sabotage my already low self-esteem.
The kicker was when I would believe [...]
Are your good girl tendencies driving you crazy? Is it stopping you from stepping into a more successful, confident version of yourself?
THEN YOU MUST READ THIS! It’s my article on “Why Your Good Girl Attitude Is Making You Miserable”
Here’s the link: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/laura-bozarth/why-being-good-girl-ruining-your-life-and-how-you-can-change-it
I found myself on Facebook one morning and though it has been blatantly obvious for a long time, I couldn’t help to notice the over abundance of posts about how to get better at something.
It looked like this: “How to succeed better, how to meet your goals better, how to have a better relationship, how to lose weight better”
There was so much bettering (my word) on that page, it literally made me feel sick. How much time do we spend wasting on trying to be better? In that moment I decided to take the word better out of my [...]
After sending out my Get Comfortable In Your Own Skin home study program last week, I received a lot of different questions about the program and how people could benefit from it.
What I learned is that we are sometimes scared to be uncomfortable. The program focuses on getting comfortable in your own skin, but sometimes trusting that a new process or even outlook in life will work make us a little uncomfortable.
It feels counter intuitive when I say it, but it’s absolutely a hundred percent true. In order to get comfortable in our own skin we actually have [...]
Are you tired of being nice?
I know I sure am. It still feels a little mean to me when I say it, because I spent so much time trying to micromanage other people’s feelings but the truth of the matter is I got really tired of being nice.
2014 was a really transformational year for me in which I had to stop with all my nice girl stuff and create some real solid boundaries in my life. It wasn’t easy and it didn’t feel good. In fact I think it was one of the hardest things I had to do.
I have always been a skinny girl. It was never through starving myself or working out like crazy, it’s just who I am.
And yes there was a time that I gained some weight, but once I resolved the underlying issue I went back to my normal body weight, which is skinny.
I find it difficult to admit or talk about that openly because there seems to be such disdain for skinny women in our culture. Before you stop reading this because you think “What is she talking about? All the models are skinny…” and “That’s what the media pushes on [...]