One of my clients told me recently that she felt she was broken at one point in her past.
It struck me how many of us think that we’re broken… we label ourselves as being somehow bad.
We’re too emotional, too weak or just not meeting our potential.
Her words brought me back to a time when I thought I was broken. Virtually everything in my life fell away all at once. I didn’t really even have time to think about it or process what was happening, I had to just keep moving on.
Months later I found myself at a doctors office and [...]
He told me I was rude…
By “he” I mean a subscriber to my list who felt obliged to tell me that I was wrong .
When I saw the words on the page, my fingers immediately went to the reply button to respond. I had to let him know exactly what I meant so he understood my point of view.
That’s when it hit me… people pleasing again.
As women were are taught not to be rude. Not to say things that would hurt other people’s feelings or be perceived as aggressive. If we are perceived that way, we have to correct ourselves [...]
When you find yourself constantly trying to fix someone else’s anger problem, please remind yourself of this:
Your anger is not my problem.
For as long as I can remember I have had a highly attuned sense to people’s emotions. Between family and friends I have been around more than a fair share of angry people. What I didn’t realize is that I was part of the problem.
I tried to fix their anger because it made me uncomfortable. This fixing behavior caused me boat loads of grief, as I constantly searched for ways to avoid being uncomfortable around somebody else’s anger.
No more. [...]
After signing up to work with me, a female client quietly whispered: “Is it OK if I don’t want to do something really big in my career? What I don’t want to move up to Director or something like that? Is it OK if my only goal is to feel good?”
This is where some coaches fail with their clients.
In the personal development world we see all these quotes and blog posts about how we need to be getting better, bigger, and letting go of anything were afraid of. If we don’t, we’re just living in fear.
The fact is I [...]
I’ve been hiding most of my life.
I hid behind my marriage and perfect looking life. I hid by my ability to make sure I always said the right thing. I hid by not engaging in conflict when it was necessary because I didn’t want to look like the bad girl.
I hid behind books, isolation and other activities that would keep me away from people.
I never asked for help.
And honestly nobody thought I ever needed it.
I was so damn scared of being vulnerable I just pretended that I was OK all the time. My standard answer was I was “FINE”.
As a life coach I am fully aware of what creates outcomes in our relationships, but I still get stuck at times. This very week I did exactly what I told you to do in last week’s newsletter. I opened up about an issue I was having regarding being vulnerable with a group of female friends.
But remember, it’s important to reach out to the right people.
I didn’t just pick any group, I was very specific. I knew these ladies were okay with vulnerability and were super supportive of one another. When I aired my concern about something I wanted [...]
“A life lived in fear is a life only half lived.” -Unknown
I came across that quote this week and it really struck me. Fear is a driving force in so many decisions that people make and though it can be healthy at times, most of the time it leaves us in a state of half satisfaction, half deciding, and not really where we want to be. We fool ourselves into thinking that it’s safe because it feels good and then we get to stay exactly we’re at.
It also confuses our bodies which want to be fully alive, not just [...]
Are you an emotional control freak? If you said yes, don’t worry you’re not alone.
Here are 8 ways you can tame your inner control freak so you can feel amazing, create a better relationship with yourself, and be attractive to others.
1. Stop being a people pleaser. People pleasing is a sneaky way to control your own emotions. You may be feeling angry at the expectations others are putting on you, but control your anger just by saying yes. When you say no, it may feel awkward at first, but it actually frees you from controlling your emotions and what [...]
I am an emotional control freak.
It sounds funny to say but it’s true. It also feels a little scary to say, because by announcing it I am losing some of that control.
I have spent the majority of my life controlling my emotions and/or pretending they don’t even exist.
My preferred method of escape is just to avoid. I’ve had quite a number of traumatic things (as many of us have) happen to me throughout my life and when I recall them the thing that stands out the most is I just wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening. I would pretend [...]
I had the pleasure of spending time with some good friends this weekend. They’re great people, generous and very happy for the most part. Except when it comes to pain. I’ve known for quite some time that my friend’s husband has back pain, really bad back pain. He’s been to some doctors and they prescribed the general things like physical therapy and medication. He’s tried acupuncture and chiropractor, but he still has no relief. He thinks he’s heard it all and tried it all and has given up. He spends his days in pain and popping ibuprofen.
I know what [...]