I am an emotional control freak.
It sounds funny to say but it’s true. It also feels a little scary to say, because by announcing it I am losing some of that control.
I have spent the majority of my life controlling my emotions and/or pretending they don’t even exist.
My preferred method of escape is just to avoid. I’ve had quite a number of traumatic things (as many of us have) happen to me throughout my life and when I recall them the thing that stands out the most is I just wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening. I would pretend I wasn’t there. I would freeze, feel lots of shame and blame myself. Then I would simply stuff it inside, ignore it, and move on.
It’s quite amazing when I recall how many traumatic and scary things happened to me but I just didn’t acknowledge them. They happened, I moved on without sharing or getting support, and without grieving. But internally somehow I blamed myself and felt lots of internal turmoil, which I also ignored.
It’s amazing how a person can go through life without truly feeling.
But it’s also amazing what your body can do with those emotions.
Your body both feels and knows the source of these emotions. It also recognizes your resistance and acts in kind with that. Then suddenly out of nowhere it seems, you have a flare-up of digestive problems or muscle tension.
Then when your mind starts processing what is happening (starts recognizing the trauma) it plans its own form of escape. It usually happens in the form of over thinking.
Are you looking for ways to calm your body and stop an overactive mind? You can find them in my e-book Listening to Your Gut: Connect With Your Body and Get IBS Relief
When I was on the phone with a coach colleague years ago working through my patterns, I noted my own mind doesn’t believe my mind. So when my mind starts rationalizing the emotions that I’m feeling, my mind then begins to question itself and then creates all kinds of anxieties around the emotions. Which then becomes its own decoy to avoid really dealing with my emotions. Your mind will do whatever it needs to distract you, because it believes it’s protecting you. Your mind believes that your emotions are too overpowering and that triggers your fear response. Fear is a natural instinct and if your mind keeps you fixated on controlling situations it thinks it’s keeping you safe.
So on every end we begin to control things, whether it’s our mind, our body, or our environment.
But we can use control to our advantage. We can learn how to become aware of our thoughts and how they’re affecting us mentally and physically. We can create new patterns that don’t drain us of energy and make us feel powerless.
We can also accept ourselves and love even the parts of us that are flawed and may feel damaged from our past.
Can you imagine how good that would feel?
Where can you let go of control in your life? I’d love to hear what you come up with