One of my clients told me recently that she felt she was broken at one point in her past.
It struck me how many of us think that we’re broken… we label ourselves as being somehow bad.
We’re too emotional, too weak or just not meeting our potential.
Her words brought me back to a time when I thought I was broken. Virtually everything in my life fell away all at once. I didn’t really even have time to think about it or process what was happening, I had to just keep moving on.
Months later I found myself at a doctors office and [...]
When you find yourself constantly trying to fix someone else’s anger problem, please remind yourself of this:
Your anger is not my problem.
For as long as I can remember I have had a highly attuned sense to people’s emotions. Between family and friends I have been around more than a fair share of angry people. What I didn’t realize is that I was part of the problem.
I tried to fix their anger because it made me uncomfortable. This fixing behavior caused me boat loads of grief, as I constantly searched for ways to avoid being uncomfortable around somebody else’s anger.
No more. [...]
I’ve been hiding most of my life.
I hid behind my marriage and perfect looking life. I hid by my ability to make sure I always said the right thing. I hid by not engaging in conflict when it was necessary because I didn’t want to look like the bad girl.
I hid behind books, isolation and other activities that would keep me away from people.
I never asked for help.
And honestly nobody thought I ever needed it.
I was so damn scared of being vulnerable I just pretended that I was OK all the time. My standard answer was I was “FINE”.
When I am talking to a new client and she says I can’t do it because he wouldn’t like it or it would hurt his feelings, I cringe.
These women aren’t unintelligent nor are they week. They are just straight out people pleasers (sometimes not even knowing it) and perfectionists who are so concerned with the feelings of others that they often self sabotage themselves.
I know this because I was one of these women.
I was always worried about hurting his feelings. If I felt something seemed to bother him, I would either try to make it better or not do [...]
I found myself on Facebook one morning and though it has been blatantly obvious for a long time, I couldn’t help to notice the over abundance of posts about how to get better at something.
It looked like this: “How to succeed better, how to meet your goals better, how to have a better relationship, how to lose weight better”
There was so much bettering (my word) on that page, it literally made me feel sick. How much time do we spend wasting on trying to be better? In that moment I decided to take the word better out of my [...]
Not having the time is the number one excuse we all use when we aren’t getting the results we want. I won’t argue with the fact that our lives are jammed packed with activity. For many of my clients it’s work, kids, house chores, and bed. If you are suffering from physical pain or IBS, that adds a whole new level of stress into your daily routine. Regardless of what you may be dealing with in your life, the difference between my clients who get what they want and the ones who don’t is time management. You can’t delete [...]
Next month marks two years since I left my safe, secure, and tenured job. I had spent 11 long years in a job that drained me mentally and physically. To say it was not the best use of my talents is an understatement. I always knew I wanted to do something else, but I had a hard time figuring out exactly what the “else” was. I was very driven and motivated, which made it all the more difficult because I had nowhere to place the motivation. Leaving me feeling stuck externally, but with the internal adrenaline to push forward [...]
The concept of going to extreme measures to find yourself has always been a mystery to me. I am always curious about why people think they have to sit in hot tents after fasting (James Arthur Ray style) or walk over hot coals to be enlightened. The most adventurous go on a long journey throughout the desert with no water. They all do it to prove that they can overcome their fears and withstand the anxiety created by situations that most people would never attempt.
There’s a reason why most of us wouldn’t do it: it hurts!
I’ve never done those [...]
As a recovering perfectionist, I felt very tickled when I heard this line from the movie Letters from Juliet: “Saying I’m a perfectionist, is just another way of saying: I’m too chicken to do it”. I can laugh at this now, because I see it’s the truth. And that’s not say that I never fall back into my perfectionist a.k.a. chicken ways, it just means I become aware of it when it happens.
If you’re right smack dab in the middle of perfectionism’s sticky web, it may take some time to pry its tangled web from you.
My suggestion is simple: [...]
Perfectionism sucks you dry, plain and simple. I’ve been reading Apolo Anton Ohno’s book Zero Regrets: Be Greater Than Yesterday. I wasn’t surprised to learn that perfectionism is something that he struggled with in his sports career. To be successful you have to have the desire to work to your greatest ability, the problem lies in pushing yourself so far beyond your limits, that being perfect becomes a impediment to achieving what you want.
In Apolo’s words: “My personal best is good enough, as long as I’ve given it everything I’ve got. It’s too intense and too unforgiving a life [...]