He told me I was rude…
By “he” I mean a subscriber to my list who felt obliged to tell me that I was wrong .
When I saw the words on the page, my fingers immediately went to the reply button to respond. I had to let him know exactly what I meant so he understood my point of view.
That’s when it hit me… people pleasing again.
As women were are taught not to be rude. Not to say things that would hurt other people’s feelings or be perceived as aggressive. If we are perceived that way, we have to correct ourselves very politely.
The fact is I wasn’t being rude, my email message was about not people pleasing the dysfunctional people around you. This man felt the need to tell me that using the term dysfunctional was rude and that we are all going through things so I should speak about others more nicely.
No shit, I know everyone is going through their own stuff.
I respect other peoples struggles, but that does not mean that I am responsible for them.
That doesn’t mean if something feels uncomfortable I am supposed to just let it go because they are experiencing a dysfunctional moment. That’s not my job.
My job is to tell myself that I do not need to fix or make explanations for this person’s bad behavior. It’s OK for me to set up a boundary and express my feelings and step away from the situation.
The truth is we all have our issues and dysfunctions, the problem becomes when we don’t create expectations for ourselves and allow other people’s issues to affect our inner world.
Women and young girls are so accustomed to accepting bad behavior from people, that we don’t notice when we may be being used or manipulated in the process. That’s why it’s important to identify dysfunctional behavior when you see it so you can know how to respond and protect yourself .
If that makes me a rude woman, I’ll be a rude woman every day of the week. I will not stand by and accept less than I deserve from the people I allow into my life.