It is definitely the time of year when we feel like everyone should be fa-la-laing and cheerful. We spend a lot of time decorating, baking, and planning parties. We want to create a perfect holiday and expect everyone to act accordingly.
Except they don’t.
And if you’re anything like me, you try to fix everything just right so everything feels good.
But you can’t.
That’s the biggest thing I’ve learned about the holidays and life in general. Fixing never works. It drains your energy and robs you of the present moment. It also doesn’t allow you to accept people for exactly what they are.
Way back, probably in your childhood, you learned if you tried really hard you could fix a situation and make everyone feel better. You may remember it as the childhood fantasy of changing grey skies to blue. It may have worked some of the time, but after awhile it just got frustrating. But you still did it because it’s what you knew how to do. And maybe others were relying on you to do it. So you did. And maybe you still do.
And that’s okay.
The best we can do is not try to force others to change or to change ourselves. Too many of us spend so much time in self sabotage we don’t even know what it’s like to have a minute, day, or year where we aren’t trying to force ourselves to be a certain way.
My holiday wish to you is to allow yourself to be whatever version of yourself that you really are. And be okay with it. You may overeat, argue with your mother, or forget to send out that gift. Instead of criticizing yourself for not being a better, more perfect version of yourself, do nothing about it. And you might notice something really peculiar… you relax and so do the people around you.
And if you find yourself laughing over a burnt dinner, oblivious to the family criticism or just floating on air in general, you’ll know you found the reason to fa-la-la this holiday season: being you.
This is an excellent reminder – we had a dinner party at our condo last night and we had some last minute cleaning to do before our guests arrived. i got mad at my husband for not cleaning “right” . . . i shouldn’t let these things create tension in me or in our relationship, they just aren’t that important. and i knew that at the time but kept on doing it. Thank you for reminding me to just be okay with who i am, where i am, and let people be who they are too. very helpful.