“So it’s okay to be unhappy?” a client recently asked me. Yes, yes, and yes! I’ve been noticing that some of my clients think that it is not okay (and even down right wrong) to have any feeling that is not positive. “But I’ve been trying to follow the law of attraction so I have been telling myself to avoid all negativity and be positive”. How boring and completely unrealistic, I thought. Law of attraction is a great tool, but it requires you to be real about your emotions.
Sadly too many of us believe that we have to be solely focused on being nice, responsible, and doing the right thing. In the process we ignore our true feelings. And not only do we ignore them, when they resurface we dismiss the emotions completely as if it’s a bad germ we’re afraid to catch. The problem with that kind of thinking is it leads to a lot of stuffed in emotions. If you can imagine a pillow getting overstuffed, that’s what’s happening in your body when you stuff down those emotions. The key to success in your life is recognizing that having feelings whether they are good, bad, or ugly is actually a blessing.
When we experience emotions, they provide us with critical knowledge about what we need. The problem arises when we deny them.
When we get into a cycle of resistance towards our emotions the following things happen:
1) The emotions keep coming back as nagging thoughts.
2) You stuff them in you body so they manifest themselves as some kind of ache or pain.
3) They stop you from getting what you want.
The important part of feeling our emotions is that they guide us towards what we really want. You really can’t focus on getting what you want unless you’re clear on what you don’t want, what you don’t like, and how you truly feel.
That means allowing yourself to be angry, jealous, or insert another emotion here. Then really feel it.
How do I do that? Allowing yourself to feel anger doesn’t mean it’s okay to be in grumpy mood at work. It doesn’t mean dumping your emotions on other people. It also doesn’t mean spending days on end crying (although it is good to get a cry in here and there).
The best way to handle emotions as they come up is to feel them in your body. Notice where you are tense or uncomfortable. Acknowledge why they are there and what they are telling you. Then release them.
If you have feelings of anger, resentment, jealousy or if something happens that frustrates you “conscious complaining” is a great release tool. I learned about conscious complaining from Karla McLaren’s book “The Language of Emotions”. To practice conscious complaining you need to give yourself 5 or 10 minutes a day in a room by yourself. Pick an object or part of a wall. Focus on that area and allow yourself to release all of your emotions verbally. Scream at it, yell at it, say whatever you need to say and then leave the room. The goal is not to fix yourself; you just want to release stored anger.
You’ll be amazed at how this short release done on specific things that are bothering you can have impact on your overall health and mental well being. You will feel better able to handle uncomfortable situations and may find it easier to relax. Releasing your resistance to feeling anger and other emotions will allow you to access what you feel more quickly. Having that clarity will assist you in getting what you want and attracting those things into your life.